Saturday, February 8, 2014

Subdrop and Domdrop - Very Real Phenomena

DISCLAIMER:  Before you read further understand that this is in no way medical advice on any level. It's based on 11+ years experience in the lifestyle, my medical training, and anecdotal information collected from friends in the lifestyle. If things aren't getting back to what you feel is "normal" in what you feel is a reasonable amount of time, or you are having feelings that you find alarming, physical or mental - GET YOURSELF TO YOUR DOCTOR. 

The scene is over. You both had an incredible time. Aftercare left you both feeling all warm and fuzzy (among other things <g>). It’s now hours/days later and you begin to realize you are feeling to a degree some or all of the following:  emotional, tearful, overwhelmed, unmotivated, confused, irritable, snippy, bitchy, tired, all in all just downright lousy. Worse, you can’t understand why you are feeling this way.

Hello, kinky friends. You have now come face to face with Dom/Topdrop and subdrop.

Let’s go back for a moment to that incredible scene you both enjoyed. There were some very real physical things happening during that time. The glandular systems in both of your bodies were working hard in response to a lot of stimuli and those glands were flooding your body with  chemicals and hormones that made you feel amazing (and that is probably an understatement).

·      Oxytocin - often called the “love hormone”
·      Dopamine - a neurotransmitter that helps the brain sort out and process incoming stimuli
·      Serotonin - another neurotransmitter linked to feelings of happiness and well-being
·      Norepinephrine and epinephrine - hormones linked to the fight-or-flight response. Note: epinephrine is also called adrenalin
·      And last, but certainly not least, endorphins - the body’s natural opiates

All of these chemicals/hormones combine to create one hell of an amazing, all-natural cocktail that will give you a high unlike anything you have ever experienced. But as with any chemical high, you have to come down and sometimes you just feel a little punky  and in rare instances you “crash and burn”, “augur in”, “hit the wall”. Call it what you will, but in any degree, slight or extreme, it is NOT fun.

You’ve felt this before to some extent. You come home from an amazing vacation and remark to friends and family that you need a vacation from your vacation. You get off the roller coaster and a little while later you feel like you really just need to sit down and take a nap. The wedding went off without a hitch and at some point in the honeymoon you feel like you made a huge mistake. You’re holding your brand new baby in your arms and can’t understand why you’re feeling emotionally strung out. Yes, these are all forms of “drop”. The medical term is “depression”.

And folks, make no mistake, this depression is very, very real. Do NOT ignore it and put it off to being “emo”. Do NOT sit there and tell yourself you’re being silly, needy, it’s not really happening, etc. If you’re running a fever, bleeding from a cut, in pain because you worked out too hard, you don’t tell yourself it’s all in your head, do you? Probably not. Well, the emotional drop described above is literally in your head, but there is a very real physical reason for it. Your brain chemicals are a little messed up. Just as you would not ignore physical symptoms of something wrong, you cannot ignore emotional signals that something isn’t quite right.

And I’ll bet that you’re probably saying to yourself or have said to yourself at some point that you sure don’t want to go through THAT again. After all, who wants to feel like a basket case?

You aren’t going to avoid vacations, amusement parks and those crazy rides, weddings, parties, happy occasions, and any other opportunities to enjoy yourself to the max, right?

So, what can you do to minimize and possibly even avoid the drop that can occur after even light scening?

One of the most important things is to prepare for the scene. In addition to planning, both of you need to eat a good meal high in protein and complex carbs BEFORE you scene. Then:

1.            Keep hydrated during the scene. In fact, electrolyte drinks should become your new best friends when you are scening. Electrolyte imbalance is one of the contributors to drop.

2.            Both of you need to come down slowly. Doms/Tops, that sub is going to take a little while to come back to earth and you need to remember and ACKNOWLEDGE that you need a while to come back down, too. Touching and cuddling are very important after a scene. Also, Doms, keep your sub warm. While there is no specific evidence to substantiate this, I know if I get chilled, the shivers will bring me out in a very not-so-fun way. Other subs have told me that's not unusual.

3.            During immediate aftercare, you both need to keep hydrated. Remember that your  body is now going to flush out all those wonderful chemicals and it needs the fluids to do just that.

4.            CHOCOLATE. Yes, I said chocolate. Milk or dark, both are good, but I and many of my friends have found that dark chocolate works best. During immediate aftercare, eat chocolate, about the equivalent of one regular size Hershey bar. Why? Because chocolate contains a chemical that is nature’s antidepressant, phenylethylamine or PEA. It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, happy and loving. In fact, keep some of those little single bite chocolate candies around. We keep M&Ms, Hershey bites, and my personal fave, Dove chocolate bites around. Allergic to chocolate or can't stand to eat it?  Here is some information on alternatives:

Here’s the catch. You knew there was a catch, didn’t you? Isn’t that always the case?

Drop is sneaky. You cannot predict that it will happen. You cannot assume that just because it’s days later and you haven’t dropped you’ve escaped the bullet. This is where knowing yourself and how you function emotionally becomes important.

In addition to making sure you eat right, exercise, and get plenty of rest:

You both live together:  Understand that drop can and probably will happen. If you’re feeling out of the ordinary, do NOT keep it to yourself. You’ll probably feel like you need more cuddling than usual – well then, cuddle. And don’t forget those chocolate bites.

You don’t live together but play together pretty regularly:  Keep in touch. Talk, text, Skype, whatever. Reassure each other that what you’re feeling is perfectly normal. And don’t forget those chocolate bites.

Casual play partners:  Here’s where your kinky friends can help. We’ve all been there, done that, got the tee shirt and the DVD. Keep in touch with your friends in the community. Pamper yourself. Read that sappy romance novel. Have a pajama day. Allow yourself to veg out. And don’t forget those chocolate bites.

Bottom line:  Don’t play the hero. Drop is very, very real.

And you Doms/Tops out there - yes, I’m talking to you, oh Domly ones. Remember that you are human beings with the same physiology as your subs/bottoms. You can deny it all you want, but you know you felt pretty damn good during that scene. The reason you felt that way is the same reason your sub felt amazing. Take care of yourself the same way you would care for your sub.

And you subs out there – just as I stated above, your Doms have the same physiology. Care for your Dom just as they care for you.

We stress that communication is essential in the lifestyle. Communicate!

There’s a lot of information out there about drop. It goes by names like subdrop, Domdrop, bottom drop. Fetlife has reams of information about it and, Google and Bing won’t let you down. You have trusted friends in the community – either online or in real life. Pick their brains. The more you know, the better you can deal with this nasty little byproduct of fun.

And don’t forget those chocolate bites.


  1. Thank you so much for this information. This is very helpful and I learned a lot.

  2. Thank you so much for taking the time to put this information out for everyone. It is extremely helpful.

  3. Great information! Thank you so much for sharing.

    Lisa Phillips

  4. Great information! I'd never heard the term before, but having read this, some things make a lot more sense.

  5. Great information! It can be really rough to drop, and I very much appreciate you including Dominants/Tops in this post. So many can ignore that play can affect a Dom in the same way as a sub, and that's disturbed me. Fabulous post!

  6. Thank you for this!! <3 Bookmarking this one. :)