The Journey Begins: The First Hours...

As  I write this, it is 16 days since we returned from LaD and I'm still processing.  I've been trying to put things into some sort of coherent format so that I can "get it down on paper" so to speak.  I finally came to the conclusion that wasn't going to be possible – at least not for some months – because there are things like perspective, understanding, insight, and a thousand little "light bulb" moments that need to find their proper places in my head.  And, speaking of, the number of "light bulb" (think Gru in Despicable Me) moments that took place over the next two days?  That's the explanation for that strange halo you saw in the night sky over the mountains in eastern New York State that weekend.

Okay, so enough explanation.  What follows will be pretty much a free-flowing narrative.  It may not make much sense, but then, I don't have it all sorted out in my head yet.  Without further ado:

As soon as I crossed the threshold of House LaDomaine Esemar, I removed my shoes without giving it any conscious thought.  Was I told to do so?  No.  I just did.  Why?  It is an outward sign of my submission to my Dominant and a sign of respect for Master, Mistress and Sir while a guest of the House.

I was the last one to walk through the door two steps behind Sir.  Completely natural, no conscious thought about it at all.

I knew the slaves of the House were always nude.  When we were shown to our room, the question naturally presented itself:  Did Sir wish me to undress and remain nude within the confines of the House?  The answer was a very firm No.  "You will remain barefoot and wear minimal clothing, but you will remain clothed on the main floor.  When in the Dungeon, you will undress immediately if or when ordered to do so. You may sit on the furniture if you choose do to so.  You may also sit at my feet if you choose to do so.  You may address R and More as They direct.  You are always free to ask questions.  There will be no speech restrictions placed on you unless I specifically allow it. Always remember that you are My submissive, not My slave. Use your safeword or slow-down word if you need to."

At no time did I address the slaves without permission from Master or Mistress.  At no time did the slaves address me without specific instructions from Master or Mistress and permission from Sir.

The initial tour of the Dungeon was mind blowing.  We were assured that no matter how kinky the fantasy, it could be made reality here.  Ropes, whips, floggers, every possible toy one could imagine, the beautiful St. Andrew's cross, the slave cage, the swinging bed, the sex swing (!), yeah, it was all there and then some.  No, I kept myself under control and did not drool.  I was a little breathless, though.  I would be back down there later that same evening...Oh, dear god...

A small part of me is always an observer; it's the way I was trained:  See the whole picture, hear what isn't said, do not discount what your senses tell you.  One of the things that had me really troubled was how I would function under the hands of what amounted to three Dominants.  I watched the dynamic between Master, Mistress and Sir begin to take shape.  It was simple and complex at the same time.  Simple in that Master and Mistress were guiding and mentoring Sir and, as the curtain of confusion began to lift with Sir, the three of them were guiding and instructing me.  The complexity was in how fluid the dynamic was between the three.  Master was always the Alpha Dominant in the triad.  That never changed.  Sometimes, however, Master would step back and the dynamic between Mistress and Sir would literally flow back and forth.  Somehow, and I don't think I'll ever understand exactly how I knew this, I always knew who was in the second Alpha position.  From an intellectual standpoint, it was a truly beautiful thing to watch.  As a submissive, it was amazing; I cannot think of another descriptor. 

The dinner conversation that first evening was lively, deep, funny, serious, philosophical, insightful, wicked, revealing and a hundred other things.  The give and take between the four of us was delightful.  I've heard the term Renaissance Man/Woman.  I was pretty sure I had encountered one or two of these unusual individuals in my life.  I had no doubt that Master and Mistress were truly a Renaissance Man and a Renaissance Woman under the same roof.  The only analogy I could think of at the time was that it felt like I was sitting at the feet of Albert Einstein, the Dalai Lama, Freud, Jung, Thomas Jefferson, Plato, and Sherlock Holmes (to name the ones that come to mind right away) all at once. 

The dinner itself was a slice of heaven, the wine truly the nectar of the gods, and that is no exaggeration.  Not only is Master an accomplished gourmet chef, He is an expert sommelier.  The food, wine and conversation made for two hours I will never forget.

When the last dish was cleared and coffee consumed, Mistress announced it was time to prepare for the first scene.  The butterflies launched, the first adrenalin flush made itself known and I literally felt a switch flip in my head.  I looked at Sir for direction and, while He looked the same on the outside, something had completely changed on the inside; I could feel it as though it was a living thing. He put His hand on the center of my upper back and I could feel my legs turn to jelly.  We were alone in the main room and, without a word, He directed me to our room.

Was I ready?  Yes, Sir.

Did I understand that I was to follow Mistress' instructions?  Yes, Sir.

Did I have any reservations whatsoever regarding what was about to happen?  No, Sir.

Did I trust Mistress?  Yes, Sir.

Did I have any hard limits?  Yes, Sir.  No scat, showers, blood, needle or electrical play, and nothing to break the skin.  No ball gags.  I swore that I would not speak if ordered not to. 

What was my safeword?  Red to stop.  Yellow if there was a problem that needed to be addressed.  Green to signal that everything was fine.

Lastly, did I understand that Sir would be primarily an observer this evening and that He reserved the right to safeword the scene as my Dominant?  Yes, Sir.

Almost as if on cue, there was a soft knock on the door.  It was time.  I felt the first inklings of the true freedom of consensual submission, lowered my eyes and allowed my mind to take the first hesitant steps into a complete and total submissive headspace.  The world began to recede, and I slowly came to the conscious realization that nothing mattered other than the wishes of Mistress and Sir.  For the first time since I had acknowledged who and what I am all those years ago, I felt the first sensations of quiet in my mind.

Next:  Return to the Dungeon...